My Word for 2018
Well loves, we made it! Happy New Year's Eve! 2018 starts in less than 24 hours, and I am so ready for it. To be honest, 2017 was a mixing bag of great and crazy, but we will get into that in a minute. Let's back up a bit.
Coming off of what I would describe as the worst year of my life, I started 2017 needing a new focus. Instead of coming up with resolutions, I set goals...3 to be exact. I outlined them in a previous post, so feel free to go back and take a look. To enhance my goal setting, I wanted a "word" for my year. This would be the idea I would refer back to when working towards my goals and essentially, my overall objective for 2017. With this is mind, I chose discipline. I wanted to stay on track this year, finishing what I started in all things; lose the weight, stress less, etc. If only it were that easy. I had no idea what kind of year God had in store for me...and having the word "discipline" just didn't cut it when dealing with the real dose of life handed to me.
1. I realized I was battling depression...for real.
I'm not talking feeling a little sad. I'm not talking crying. True depression is so much more than that. Losing someone you love is life altering, and I wasn't prepared mentally to deal. I'm talking numbness and agitation. I'm talking feeling weighed down to the bed, like someone has attached cement blocks to your body. That description probably doesn't do depression justice, but it's a transparent start. You know what the shittiest thing is about depression? Realizing you are dealing with it, and not having the strength to do anything about it. For months I struggled in this dark place...somewhat silently, because I couldn't discuss it. I needed to be strong for the kids, you know? Thank God for my husband...he stepped up while I involuntarily stepped back. It was a struggle, and still can be sometimes, but I'm on the mend thanks to a little self care, and a lot of support.
2. I thought I had cancer.
The scariest time of my life...hands down. I wasn't feeling right, my body was doing weird things (abnormal bleeding) so I went to get a checkup. Of course, this was after I WebMD'd myself to death and came up with the most severe outcomes-one of which was uterine cancer. Nevertheless, I can be dramatic, so I scheduled that checkup. I was so ready for the Dr. to put my mind at ease, but she didn't. Instead, she put me through a series of tests, sent me to a specialist, and scheduled a procedure to test tissue in my body for cancerous cells. Waiting for those results stopped time. I felt helpless and defenseless. Completely out of control. When the results came back negative, I immediately began sobbing. I had never felt so grateful, relieved and renewed in my life. This was a wakeup call.
Coming off of that, I realized something...I had faced some tough shit over the last 18 months, but I was still standing. Not only standing, but thriving in my own right. I'd been featured in several publications and landed the cover of a local newspaper. I'd spoken on several panels, championing the everyday woman who does the extatordinary. I've met some of the dopest girlbosses on the planet, and they accepted me into their tribe. I'm raising 2 kids in this crazy world, and they are actually GOOD. I'm not sure why it didn't click before...maybe I was living under the cloud of depression...but I'm a #badass.
All in all, like I said earlier, 2017 was a mixed bag of great and crazy., and I wasn't feeling comfortable with my "word" choice for the year. Discipline just didn't cut it. It didn't harness the power mid year that I needed to feel sustainability. RESILIENCE. That's the right word. I've been dragged through the mud emotionally and spiritually, but I came out better than ever...stronger than before. RESILIENCE.
So as I enter 2018, and prepare to take it on #fullthrottle, I knew the perfect word...
I still need it! It's a crucial component in acheiving my dreams, and I'm going for them. 2018 is my year. Is it yours? Let's Go!
Tell me your word in the comments! Happy New Year!
Enjoy today! Xo-Sierra